Today Chicken is 37 weeks, also known as full term or, in my book, roasted.
Still breech, though. Dr. Shannon will be joining us Monday morning to provide support during our ECV. If Chicken turns she wants me to go home and spend as much of the day squatting and walking to get that baby to drop and hopefully stay in the vertex position. If baby does not turn, I’ll go home and start my c-section birth plan. I am oscillating between ok with how things are shaking out, and completely devastated. One moment I’ll be happy as a clam, and then the next I’ll be in tears out of fear and frustration with the system. I could stomach a c-section a lot better if I would not have to spend my last few days pregnant fighting like a lunatic to get the compassionate care my baby and I want and deserve. Crying won’t fix anything, though, so I’m trying to keep my big girl panties on and roll with it.
I woke up this morning and had an unusually good smoothie. Sometimes a random bag of frozen blueberries is just exponentially yummier than other bags of frozen blueberries. Anyone else notice this? It was so yummy that I’m seriously considering abandoning my bison patty, spinach and quinoa lunch in favor of hoping the bus home for another smoothie! Anyway, after my smoothie I went for a nice 45 minute walk. I walked fast today, I needed to get some shit out of my brain and often making my muscles burn is the best way for me to do this. I decided to forgo my normal hypnobabies tracks during the walk for something completely unrelated to birthing so I clicked on the Alabama Shakes – one of my current musical obsessions.
I listen to this album regularly, dissecting the lyrics and the texture of Brittany Howard’s voice (amazing voice, y’all!). I’ve always dug the second track, I Found You, and love to sing along with it but the lyrics never really made much of an impression. Until this morning while walking through the neighborhood and dodging insane nesting birds (it’s bird dive-bombing season around these parts). About 30 seconds in and I was a big hot mess of tears and snot. I seriously doubt Brittany is singing about pregnancy after infertility, but damn if it did not strike a major chord with me this morning.
Chicken, please finish any final details and then turn around to start your descent. Despite being grossly unprepared for child-rearing, I’m finally ready to get started. I think the spontaneity of just going with it will add a welcome layer of adventure to our journey.