I’ve been finding tiny reminders of our infertility journey as I clear out the house. The random IVF statement, an unused syringe, a half empty PIO vial, etc. I did not expect to find things while cleaning out my office, though. Evidently my infertility crept into all areas of my life though. In one drawer I found a “Understanding Infertility” pamphlet from one of my very first RE appointments. I also found a few bills and the huge marker I would use to touch up my ass circles during the 12 weeks of PIO injections to keep little Chicken going.
The harshest reminder, though, was when I opened my pen drawer and started rummaging in the back and found this.
What kind of a crazy lady keeps a used pee stick in her office drawer? I remember this day so clearly. I was pregnant with Pip and was so worried it was going to go south that I brought a box of pee sticks to work so I could test and remind myself that something was still in there. I was naive and didn’t really realize how long it took for your levels to drop after a baby died. This pee stick gave me about 30 minutes of happiness and then the worry crept back in. A few days later it was over and I learned just how long those pee sticks stay positive even after the “products of conception” have been removed.
Finding this pee stick makes me simultaneously sad and happy. Sad for the loss and the struggle and so freaking happy that my take home baby is nearly here, safe and sound in my arms and surrounded by people and cats who love him or her so very, very much.