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Tiny Reminders

06/07/2013

Belle

I’ve been finding tiny reminders of our infertility journey as I clear out the house. The random IVF statement, an unused syringe, a half empty PIO vial, etc. I did not expect to find things while cleaning out my office, though. Evidently my infertility crept into all areas of my life though. In one drawer I found a “Understanding Infertility” pamphlet from one of my very first RE appointments. I also found a few bills and the huge marker I would use to touch up my ass circles during the 12 weeks of PIO injections to keep little Chicken going.

The harshest reminder, though, was when I opened my pen drawer and started rummaging in the back and found this.

Do you see it hiding back there?

Do you see it hiding back there?

photo (17)

What kind of a crazy lady keeps a used pee stick in her office drawer? I remember this day so clearly. I was pregnant with Pip and was so worried it was going to go south that I brought a box of pee sticks to work so I could test and remind myself that something was still in there. I was naive and didn’t really realize how long it took for your levels to drop after a baby died. This pee stick gave me about 30 minutes of happiness and then the worry crept back in. A few days later it was over and I learned just how long those pee sticks stay positive even after the “products of conception” have been removed.

Finding this pee stick makes me simultaneously sad and happy. Sad for the loss and the struggle and so freaking happy that my take home baby is nearly here, safe and sound in my arms and surrounded by people and cats who love him or her so very, very much.

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7 Comments

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  1. June 7, 2013

    😦 although… I WILL NOT throw away my test from our muffin. and it’s digital, so it died months ago, and can give me zero proof it once said “pregnant.” but, seems like good ju-ju to keep pee sticks. so, no, it is not weird to keep a pee stick anywhere. it’s proof Pip was. And that’s perfectly acceptable!

  2. jak #
    June 7, 2013

    well, i wanna know WHAT KIND OF FOOL DOESNT KEEP THINGS THEY’VE PEED ON?! i know exactly where mine are, much to my husband’s disgust.

    good luck with turning chicken, and best wishes whatever the outcome. dont give up on the exercises (inversions, and rocking and all that). it’ll help for turning chicken and it’ll help for c-section recovery. so either way, you’re doing the right stuff!!!

    hugs!!!!!!!!

    • June 7, 2013

      LOL! I really had no idea that this was a normal thing! I found an entire Ziploc full of positive pee tests from Pregnancy No. 1 at home while cleaning out. The ones from this pregnancy were saved until a few weeks ago when they were unearthed in the bottom of a shoe box (why? I have no idea. Impulsive pee stick hiding). So relieved to know it’s not just me!

  3. Shinara #
    June 7, 2013

    I still have the leftover drugs and needles from IVF…just in case. …Even though I vowed not to go through that again.

  4. June 8, 2013

    I have a photo on my iPhone which I look at to remind me I did it at least once!

  5. June 8, 2013

    I kept mine in a kitchen drawer for months. Almost like if I threw it away it would void the pregnancy or something. I finally trashed it around week 30 I think.

  6. SM #
    June 8, 2013

    I’ve kept at least one pee stick from every pregnancy. The sticks from the lost babies are tucked in a shoebox with the ultrasound pictures. All of Turkey’s pee sticks are in a drawer in my bed side table. I like to keep them as a reminder.

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