Before and during pregnancy I dreaded writing this post. Postpartum, though, I’ve been looking forward to it. I don’t even dread the selfie I’m about to take. In fact, I’m proud of my progress and I’m proud of the permanent changes to my body since having Sabine.
After a lifetime of struggling with some really unhealthy body issues, I am happy with what I see in the mirror. My belly is soft and pouches out a bit still. My hips are a little wider than before. My waist is no where near what it was, but I don’t hate it. My pre-pregnancy pants fit, although I look a little different in them, and most of my skirts fit. I am at my pre-pregnancy weight (not pre IVF or pre miscarriage weight). I accomplished this by 3 months postpartum with daily walks and healthy eating. Not obsessive eating. Not unhealthy starvation. But healthy choices and allowing myself to indulge in things like New York bagels and bread (dear God the bread here is amazing).
I feel this surprising sense of pride for my soft tummy and c-section scar. I waited YEARS to have this. Well, not to have a slice-and-dice scar, but you know what I mean. Having the reminder each morning that I made this beautiful child who fills my days with light, laugher and some grey hairs is priceless. For the first time in my life I undress in front of a mirror and I don’t beat myself up. This is the new Belle body – this body is strong, it is capable, it nurtured and continues to feed the child I dreamed of and fought for.
I love this body and the visual reminders of what it has brought me – new life.