You guys, thank you for all the great comments. Yesterday was a particularly rough day. Sabine had not slept well that night (3 wakings and then UP for the day at 4:30 a.m.) and I had gotten off our schedule of regularly planned activities with other moms. For two weeks we have missed play group, story time at the Library, walks and other planned meet-ups. I don’t think this is particularly good for my sanity or for Sabine’s sanity. I worry that looking at my face and the cats all day long might grow boring and monotonous. So after reading comments and having a good ugly cry as my baby slept in my arms with boob in her mouth for the fourth time that day, I took a shower. I washed my hair, which is still falling out by the handful, and then I put on LOTION and a tiny bit of makeup. I didn’t look much better, but I felt and smelled a lot better and Sabine had clean milk makers!
A lot of you suggested I look for part time work. Where I live and in my field part time work does not pay enough to cover the ridiculous cost of childcare. I have looked into freelance but to be quite honest, I don’t think I could produce quality writing while a baby was crying in the other room. You see how my blog is lately!
Two weeks ago I went back and started really looking at my Plan B – personal training. I visited the school in Manhattan and was way impressed with their program. Both founders had recently had a baby and both alluded to needing some scientific assistance in becoming pregnant. I talked to my husband, I looked at starting salaries, I talked to other personal trainers in the area and then I took the plunge – I enrolled in vocational school. Yesterday I stopped staring at them and signed loan papers taking another student loan to fund my continuing education.
In January I will start a nine month program that will prepare me to sit for the certification exam, provide internship experience and prepare me to enter the workforce at a higher pay grade than if I just sat for the exam alone. I have set a five year goal to own my own business working exclusively with women undergoing infertility treatments and those pre and postnatal.
Am I sad to leave the marketing/PR world? Not really. These jobs are being cut left and right while salaries dwindle and cost of living skyrockets. I am confident my writing background, marketing expertise and work in the small business world will help me grow my business into something both profitable and fulfilling. I look forward to becoming an “expert” in a new field and writing about it. I hope to one day submit expert editorial about fitness and nutrition to publications. I hope to one day roll Scrambled Eggs into my business as a place for other women struggling through infertility to connect and seek inspiration. I have big plans.
Taking this jump at the age of 33 with little in the bank is scary. But standing still or drifting backwards is even more scary so I’m choosing to move forward. I’m working to be the strong, independent, resourceful woman I want Sabine to know and that I hope Sabine becomes. Ahhh, I just looked down and Sabine has fallen asleep by my side. It’s as though she knew Mama needed a little time to write more than four paragraphs. I think I’ll have another cup of coffee and watch the sunrise over my NYC apartment. Cheers to you all, and thank you again for your encouragement!