Today I had to clean goose poop out of my butt crack. But first…
I’m sorry for the silence the last few weeks. I have had a rough run and decided that when there is nothing good to say, it is probably best to say nothing at all.
I have not been feeling well. I have been very tired and my feet and ankles have hurt more than normal. When I wake at night to use the bathroom they hurt so bad I have a hard time moving from bed to toilet without falling. Other things have been happening that are unnerving as well. Unlike “normal” people, when I go to the doctor and am not feeling well I am not told to first improve my lifestyle (eat better, sleep more, exercise, etc.) Instead a battery of scary tests are ran to see if the lupus they think I have is escalating. My kidneys are meticulously examined. My liver. My lungs. My skin. My joints. This time 8 vials of blood were drawn and 12 x-rays were taken. I spent the next 8 days in a downward spiral of panic. Surely this was it. My good luck was out.
Today we rented a Zip car for the day to take my cat to the vet for her 6 month check to see how the radioactive iodine treatment we gave her worked. I was also waiting for my test results. Between the two I was a wreck. Since we had to drop Yum Yum off for the day, we decided to have a day trip and enjoy some family time. We went to Muscoot Farms to let our Old McDonald fan enjoy some real farm animals. Sabine had a blast and I enjoyed a little distraction from more pressing matters.
Halfway through the trip Sabine and I were playing in the grass and she crawled into me full force while I was crouched. I fell backwards and she giggled hysterically. Then I stood up and felt something wet at the top of my butt crack.
“Babe,” I said as I flagged the Professor down. “What is on/in my pants?”
He started to laugh. “Looks like you rolled in some goose poop!”
I groaned and he inspected further. “Um, it’s in your butt crack. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
He cleaned up the poo the best he could and then I went to the bathroom to clean some more and remove my underwear. Later that afternoon I texted my Mama friends and my eternally optimistic buddy pointed out that being pooped on by a bird is good luck. Surely rolling in fresh goose poop is SUPER lucky. And she was right.
Shortly after that my doctor called – the tests are clear. I am ok. Time to work on cleaning up my lifestyle and managing my stress better. Then my sweet cat was ready and we got good news on her, too. She is cured.
Stress is a powerful creature. It has completely ruled the last two weeks of my life and was an excellent reminder of how very important self-care is. We are heading to Maine on vacation at the end of this week. When we return it is time I make some changes. I need to eat better. I need to exercise again. I need to return to yoga. I need to take care of ME and that care does not mean letting the Professor watch Sabine while I cook dinner.
So that is where I have been lately – worrying that I might be dying while all was really just fine. Thank you to the wonderful readers who have reached out to me. I love you all and appreciate the kind words. I have a few posts brewing about self-care. Until then, go hug your spouse/pets/children/parents or whoever it is you hold dear and remember what really matters in life – not the goose poop in your butt crack, but the person who will help wipe it out of there.