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Breaking Point

09/10/2014

Belle

Congratulations, Sabine. You have just won yourself a seat at the only child table. Any shred of feeling that I wanted another child – be it through IVF, embryo adoption or regular adoption – has just been tossed down the drain. 

I know these days are supposed to be developmental and only a tiny blip on the parenting radar but holy fucking shit. I can’t take anymore. I just called my husband and told him he needs to come home as soon as possible. I’m at that breaking point. I can not be whined at, hit, tugged on or bit one more time. She is an absolute angel for everyone but me and I KNOW this is because she feels safe and blah blah blah but it is just too much. 

For the record I would never, ever harm my child or myself. I just want my fellow sufferers parents to know that even I, she who will always and forever be able to “do it for herself” has found the threshold of “I can’t.” I love you guys and thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement yesterday. It is truly the only thing carrying me through at the moment. 

 

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16 Comments

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  1. September 10, 2014

    Belle, you did the right thing. I know you’re overwhelmed and completely frustrated. What you’re dealing with would push anyone to the breaking point. So you should take pride in knowing you asked for help and are taking a step back. There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and, frankly, something that should be applauded.

    When the Professor gets home, get out of the house and do something for you. No apologies and no guilt.

  2. September 10, 2014

    Belle, I’m sorry. I know it’s awful right now for you. *hugs* It will get better, but it’ll get worse again, too. Try to talk to your husband after up feel better to see if he has any ideas to help you out, if you think that’s a good idea.

  3. expectantmummy #
    September 10, 2014

    It’s very little comfort to anyone but myself but I’m so glad it’s not just me feeling like this at the moment xxx

  4. September 10, 2014

    I’m called you called your husband and told him to come relieve you! We’ve all been there and will be there again.

  5. September 10, 2014

    Years ago, my stepmom told me that the difference between a good mom and a bad mom is that they both stand at the window rocking their baby back and forth towards the window, the bad mom let’s go. Maybe not so politically correct these days, but you’re a great mom!! There were times I had to walk away and even times when I hurriedly took Paxlet to my husband and ran away in tears. You do what you need to to keep everyone safe.

  6. September 10, 2014

    Good job calling the Prof. I have placed those calls myself, and they’re freeing! Go take some time!

    she’s going to be a tough nut. She’s testing you. Try to stay calm… I know its hard. I just yelled again at Matthew. Ugh.

  7. September 10, 2014

    Yep, I echo what all the ladies above said. Good for you for asking for help. This is exactly why I think I couldn’t do the SAHM thing full time. I get 3 days mostly alone with them, and there are MANY days that I am so freakin’ thankful to go to work and send them off with the Nanny. Hang in there hon…

  8. September 10, 2014

    I didn’t get a chance to comment on your last post but suffice it to say, I enjoyed reading others comments. These little ones truly can try the limits of our patience. And Truett is often better behaved for everyone else although not always – sometimes he can be bratty for them as well! It is definitely the right call to call on someone else to take over at times like these. Sometimes Tru ends up in his bed for a bit while I take a minute to collect myself and muster up the last bit of my patience.

    Good days and bad days….

  9. September 10, 2014

    Oh Belle. I have been there. Last night in fact. And yesterday on the walk home from school (I had to put the breaks on the stroller and just turn around and walk a half block away while my daughter shrieked at the top of her lungs–I swear to god if she keeps hitting me I don’t know what I’ll do).

    It has taken me four years (and four summers) to admit that I COULD NOT be a SAHM. Not to my daughter. Not to my son. NO WAY IN HELL to both of them. I just can’t. I know my limits almost as well as they do and I could not do it. So you’re already doing a better job than I ever could have done.

    I’m sorry your dealing with this. I sucks. I hope it’s over soon.

  10. September 10, 2014

    *it sucks. I mean, I also sucks, but what I meant to say there was it sucks.

  11. September 10, 2014

    You absolutely did the right thing. Hugs, mama.

  12. jesicabrennan #
    September 10, 2014

    So sorry to hear the bean is being such a handful. You did exactly what you should in that situation which is call for help! I hit this point way back when Jett was only 6 weeks old and he just would not quite crying! I called my parents and headed home for a week…it was awful, I couldn’t believe how much I did NOT want to be around my child and just how horrible this parenting gig could really be. Most likely it’s just a phase and she’ll be out of it before you know it, just keep doing what you’re doing, one day at a time! “This too shall pass!!!”

  13. Amy #
    September 10, 2014

    I’ve had those moments too…less and less the older the children get. I know it was incredibly tough with a supportive husband/good friend. Are you getting support? I know online, but what about real life? If you were still in KY I would be inappropriately hugging you & bringing you chocolate. Is someone hugging you? I worry. Not because what you’re saying is abnormal-I think every mom has ‘been there’. I just know it’s hard to get back to a good place without support. Wishing you into a place of love, peace & joy. I know it’s hard…

  14. September 10, 2014

    Isn’t Sabine about 14 months?? 13-15 months was the absolute peak and worst time for me with archie this far (he’ll be 2 next month). I’m sure there’s more to come but those couple months there was SO much physical aggression and defiance I couldn’t take it!! I’m so sorry hun. I just keep telling myself “this too shall pass” and eventually it did. But it sucked. I had a black eye and fat lip at the same time at one point 😦 hang in there! xoxo

  15. September 10, 2014

    Oh man! Rough! Thinking of you.

  16. jaclyn #
    September 10, 2014

    Belle, what you are going through is completely normal. Please bear in mind that as a society we never raised children this way. People used to live near extended families and there were aunts and grandmothers to step in and help, because its just too much for most women to do by themselves all day long. You mentioned a few blog posts ago about finding a preschool with loving teachers – please check with them and see if they have any part day or full time daycare programs available.

    My family lives in a community where there is only one good preschool center that is filled with caring, dedicated teachers who spend the whole day engaging the children in play, art, music and drama. Usually people spend years on the wait list, so I applied for my son when he was 21 months old. And I was absolutely shocked when he was admitted. So we sent him to daycare earlier than we expected. And he is so happy there – he is 3 now and spent the last few days prior to school starting telling me how excited he is about going back to school. He woke up every day this week and immediately asked if he could go to school to play with his friends and his nice teachers. Every child is different – my son thrives on constant change, activity and movement, and he really gets bored when he is at home. He is so much happier in school or traveling. My son is thriving, and I am much happier.

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