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An open apology to all mothers who have or had had teething children

11/05/2014

Belle

Turns out teeth are incredibly hard to photograph in low light with an old iPhone. This is the best you are gonna get this morning - Sabine happily playing with crayons before our teething meltdown. One tooth out, and at least 800 more on their way.

Turns out teeth are incredibly hard to photograph in low light with an old iPhone. This is the best you are gonna get this morning – Sabine happily playing with crayons before our teething meltdown. One tooth out, and at least 800 more on their way.

I am sorry. So. So. So sorry.

I didn’t know. Really. I did not know.

Sabine is a VERY late teether. She cut her first tooth two weeks ago and it has been slowly and agonizingly descending. Other teeth are starting to make the journey into the world, too, turning my sweet child into a hot teething mess. She will be gleefully playing with her crayons and then suddenly turn into a shrieking, flailing, head pounding monster.

She is like a rabid beast – all drooling and crazed. She wakes at night crying and when I look at the monitor I see her with all ten fingers and lovie shoved in her mouth, trying desperately to quell the pain. We need to buy stock in Baby Motrin. I buy baby carrots in bulk (her favorite teether). Her lovie is reaching a new level of gross as it sops up the buckets of drool.

For the past 16 months I have listened to mamas past and present share woeful tales of teething doom and I thought, “Surely they exaggerate… It can’t be that bad… They are weak and dramatic… The human species would have evolved to make teething a more seamless process if it were really that bad.”

Turns out Mother Nature is a gigantic bitch. Not only does she bestow infertility on 1 in 8 of us, she also makes our precious miracle children teethe for like 800,674,369 days. In the most dramatic fashion.

I am sorry to you all. And now I am going to go eat another brimming bowl of words and mop up some drool. xoxo

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13 Comments

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  1. November 5, 2014

    I’m sorry that it’s so rough on Sabine. Some kids handle it well, and some do not. Matthew hardly noticed, and Bryson was a mess. Bryson cut teeth at 5 months and was then getting teeth every few weeks until just last week when the last one cut through. And all of a sudden, he was sleeping 9 hours a night.

    Honestly, I hope Sabine just goes on a teething frenzy because going slow and steady killed us.

    Teething is, by far, the most frustrating thing for many kids.

  2. November 5, 2014

    Gus is a late tether too. Well, according to the Internet I guess he’s average, but it feels late to me with all these super babies his age with 8-10 teeth already. At one year old, he has two, which he’s had for four months. The top four all started to come in a few weeks ago, and they are taking their sweet-ass time. One is finalllly through. I hope the rest aren’t too far behind because he just seems to miserable (always at night, always). Baby Tylenol is our new BFF.

  3. November 5, 2014

    Thanks for the apology ; ) We are almost DONE! Only 4 more molars to go… God speed. See, what pisses me off is when doctors say stupid things like “teething doesn’t bother kids.” I want to punch them. Thankfully my pediatrician isn’t one of those. But whenever little Lamb starts waking at night and having trouble falling asleep and I think, what the Heck?! Things were going so good. I realize soon enough teeth are popping through and it all makes sense…. and within a week or two we’re usually back to normal. (which btw is amazing blissful sleep at night!)
    I hope the motrin helps little Sabine!! Poor mommy! Extra coffee!

  4. robin #
    November 5, 2014

    I’m the most oblivious / distracted mommy because I was always just like WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU .. and later see a tooth pop up and be like OH. Sometimes I caught it early enough for tylenol but mostly not. I guess they chewed on their toys? I don’t even remember. The first teeth are bad, and then the canines are terrible. And I hear the 2 year molars are really bad, not looking forward to that. But some teeth just kind of appeared out of nowhere. I hope this calms down for you guys soon. Teeth are so weird, why do we get new ones?? Why go through all of this just to lose them in a few years ???????

  5. November 5, 2014

    Izzy was an early teether and the first 6 were fairly easy. She has been a drooly mess that takes forever to fall asleep these days and I finally noticed another tooth starting to poke through. I hope that both of our girls have teeth popping out quickly instead of this slow and steady crap.

  6. November 5, 2014

    “Surely they exaggerate…It can’t be that bad…”
    I am loathe to admit I secretly felt that way about all of motherhood. Pity my soul.

  7. November 5, 2014

    My 13 month old son Finn is currently getting 4 molars and his top 2 canines. To say the past month has been hell would be a major understatement. But I guess the “bright side” is he’s almost done?

    Hang in there.

  8. November 5, 2014

    My 13 month old son Finn is currently getting 4 molars and his top 2 canines. To say the past month has been hell would be a major understatement. But I guess the “bright side” is he’s almost done?

    Hang in there.

  9. November 5, 2014

    Tru usually gets 2 a couple day’s apart. Kill 2 birds with one stone. Teething is terrible!!!! No sleep for anyone and an inconsolable baby. My mom says my siblings all teethed easily. That has not been my experience!

  10. November 5, 2014

    I heard the later they start to teeth the harder it is on them. Good luck and I hope her teeth come in quickly!

  11. November 5, 2014

    Haha– I had the “surely they exaggerate” moments about teething, sleep, breast feeding…yeah, pretty much everything. Shira is cutting 3 molars at once right now and has cried over everything the last few days.I feel like we have 4 great days with 1-2 weeks of not so great with all of the teething lately.

  12. November 6, 2014

    I am not looking forward to this!!

  13. jak #
    November 9, 2014

    woah, mama! it looks like they are coming in everywhere from that picture!! maybe she is getting a lot of them at once? my dentist told me that he once saw a kid that didnt have any teeth at 18 months, and then all the sudden, everything came in at the same time. everything is on a “belle” curve;) hope this goes quickly and she gets to use those new chompers on some exciting new foods:)

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