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Blogger Meetup & Sabine’s First 28 Hours Without Mama

03/26/2015

Belle

Six pretty awesome ladies all refreshed after a great spa day!

Six pretty awesome ladies all refreshed after a great spa day!

Last weekend I met up with 5 amazing infertility/parenting after infertility bloggers who live in the northeast (actually one came from SEATTLE!!!) without our children. I feel I should repeat that last bit because it is such a BIG thing in my world – WITHOUT CHILDREN!

Sabine is almost 21 months and I have yet to have an overnight trip without her. Every morning since July 1, 2013 I have woken up to the yells of a milk-crazed maniac. Every morning I hook her up to the boobs, bleary-eyed (but still thankful) and let her nurse. Every morning I wonder if I will ever get a chance to get away for a night.  I tried to do something like this several times a while back but the Professor was not on board. He was worried there would be nuclear meltdown and that nothing would soothe the milk beast but fresh, warm milk straight from the tap. I was pretty sure all would be fine.

When my bloggie friends started tossing around the idea of an overnight stay in Boston, complete with a day at a swanky spa and brunch, I could not refuse. Rather than ask permission, I sort of asserted permission.

“Hey babe, there are a group of bloggers meeting for an overnight hotel stay and spa day in Boston. Robin (a blogger who lives close and I meet up with regularly) wants to carpool. I think I am going to go. You and Sabine will be ok and it will be a good test of the weaning trip I proposed for summer!”

He really had no choice but to say yes. Was the trip a little more expensive than we could have afforded? Yes. But 21 months, y’all! 21 MONTHS! Mama needed a break.

I have met with numerous IF bloggers in the past and each time I am struck by how comfortable I feel around them; partly because we have been reading one another for years and part because infertility gives us a common thread that many in our personal circles just do not get. For me, talking with a mother who is parenting after infertility provides an element of security knowing that this woman  likely experiences the slew of emotions that accompany parenting after infertility. I know that parenting advice will be doled out with a gentle understanding that people who started their family after one hot minute following a boozy party just don’t have (no offense to those who did, though!)

I know that when we talk about having more children no one will ever, ever tell me to just pray for it and the lord will make it happen. I know that no fellow traveler in IF will ever look at me horrified and say that I MUST provide a brother or sister so that my child feels complete. I know that we can talk openly about all the complicated emotions surrounding a second: finances, fear, health, age, etc. For us, having another child is not just a matter of charting our cycle and breaking out the Pre Seed. 

The spa day was great and incredibly relaxing AND I overcame a major “ew gross” issue and wore a communal robe that the spa provided and only twice did I start to get all twitchy that someone else’s potentially nakie bootie was in it! I splurged a bit and did the “bali experience” and a 60 minute massage. It was so relaxing but really, the highlight of the day was the company.

I returned home late Sunday night and found a sweet sleeping Sabine and a husband who did not seem too traumatized. He reported that Sabine watched a lot of TV, went to Wave Hill, drank TWO boxes of apple juice (we only allow juice when sick so this was a real treat) and had no major meltdowns. She did spend a lot of time while they were home looking for me and pointing in different rooms saying, “Ma?” which warms my heart. I’m glad my baby missed me, but am even more glad she was able to move past the miss and enjoy her daddy day!

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7 Comments

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  1. March 26, 2015

    Sounds so lovely! I’m glad that the Prof and Sabine did just fine – they will always find their way together! I hope you find ways to do this (or just evenings out or whatever chunk of time is feasible) on a semi-regular basis. It is good (even necessary!) for you, and it’s so good for kids & dads (or other non-default parent) to have lots of time on their own to build their own relationship. I never thought that much about it until I read this a while back – http://askmoxie.org/blog/2014/3/18/gatekeeping-your-childs-relationships. It’s almost weird how hard it can be to step back and not feel too much mom-guilt and/or worry about how things may go, especially while nursing, but it’s also great to have some time where it’s just not your problem (kidding but NOT KIDDING)!

  2. Jos #
    March 26, 2015

    Those overnights just get easier and easier, and they are ALWAYS so excited to see you when you return. 🙂 Glad you had such a great time – I love blogger meetups!!

  3. March 26, 2015

    I’m so jealous! I’m glad you got out abit and had a great time. Yay for the prof doing daddy duty.

  4. Shelley #
    March 26, 2015

    Ah G20! That’s my spot, I get my hair cut there! Aww wish I knew I would have loved to finally meet you in person!!

  5. March 26, 2015

    Oh I’m so so happy for you! Of course I’m jealous that they got to spend more than a few hours with you, but I’m SOOOOO glad you had this time with fellow IF mommies and time away from your little angel. She and daddy probably really enjoyed their time together also. Awwww!

  6. jak #
    March 30, 2015

    glad you got some time away! that is awesome:) i also had my first overnight from my kiddo (same age within a week) at about the same exact time, and it was pretty much painless. it was 5 days total for business (i thought i’d have a meltdown), but we video-chatted every evening and he was talkative and happy and telling me about lunch and dinner and what he did with daddy. he started to meltdown the last day though, so i think i came back just in time…..

    have fun this summer!! sounds like a good plan and will be much-deserved after 2 years of full time mommying day in and day out!!

  7. March 30, 2015

    Good for you, mama! I did the same thing last year with a group of IF sisters with same age quads. Though I’d never met them in person before the trip, I felt comfortable with them just like you. We are about to go on our second trip next month! These bonds are amazing and so important.

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