Skip to content

Justifying

05/26/2015

Belle

Sabine at the Bob Dylan Festival I drug my weary family to on Monday. It was super fun, and super hot, and rather tiring, but we did it.

Sabine at the Bob Dylan Festival I drug my weary family to on Monday. It was super fun, and super hot, and rather tiring, but we did it.

Many of my friends are on their second, third or fourth (!!!) pregnancies. I am overjoyed for them and go to bed at night feeling peace that we have made the right choice in our family of three.

When people ask why we will not have more children, I have started to say that we like  our small family and all the opportunities it affords us. We can take fantastic trips, live wherever the Professor finds a job, and help our child with college or whatever she choses to pursue, etc. One child makes lots of sense for us. I have stopped mentioning my infertility and the fact that having more children is not really a choice we have been given.

And I am ok with this.

Sort of.

But lately, in this surge of pregnancy announcements and blooming bellies, I find myself pushing our days to the limit. I try to keep life as busy and adventurous as possible for Sabine because, you know, she is it. I want her to feel she has a full life. I want the Professor and I to feel we have a full life. I want to live up to that stock answer I give to the question “will you have more.”

While I am ok with this to a certain extent, I realize plowing along at this rate is unsustainable but it is so hard to slow down. I worry if I stop for too long the emotion of being “done” with bearing children will overwhelm and honestly, who wants that. Instead, Sabine and I are going to go play with play-doh and plan tomorrow’s adventures.

Advertisements

7 Comments

Post a comment
  1. APE #
    May 26, 2015

    I needed to hear this today. I, too, enjoy vacations and weekend excursions, something that we could not sustain with a new addition. If my current PG is not meant to be, I really want to focus all of my energy on my husband and 1 child, and needed to be reminded of that.

  2. May 26, 2015

    Thanks for this. I am struggling with the no second child and still having a horrible time accepting it. I needed to hear the good things that can come from having an only. x

  3. May 26, 2015

    It’s not simple at all, is it? I always say I’m 99% happy with choosing to have one.

  4. May 27, 2015

    Our close friends have just one child and I’m here to tell you, their lives are awesome! And I don’t mean financially, but logistically. They do what they want, when they want, and how they want… Much like we did with just one. I love having the two boys, but do sometimes think, “it used to be so much easier and enjoyable before two kids.”

    There is no right or wrong… Only what’s right or wrong for YOU.

    That question would drive me nuts. “Just the one?” Ugh.

  5. May 27, 2015

    I plowed on with life as it was when Paige was sick and then diagnosed. When Clara arrived, I was forced to take a break and as a result actually had to face things. It sucked, but I am in a lot better place now than I have been in a while. Try to allow yourself some time to feel sadness, it’s very imprortant for healing those wounds and scars. 🙂

  6. May 27, 2015

    These choices are so final, and there are pros/cons to both sides. It just clearly sucks when you actually aren’t allowed a true choice (like in your case).
    I think it’s perfectly acceptable to feel two ways about something. To be so grateful and excited that the three of you will be able to do so much together, to dedicate all your attention to her, and also to be able to leave some time for… dun dun dun.. YOURSELF! I think about that ALL the time. I feel fortunate that I will (probably) get to choose if I want another child or not, and though I know I probably would never be like “gosh, I wish I never had this stupid second child”, I know that if we did go that route I would have days where I felt overwhelmed, stressed, worried about finances stretched too thin. Days where I question if I will ever be able to pursue any of my own hobbies/passions. Days where I question the decision I made. Hell, I have had days like that just with one child! I’d never send her back but sometimes motherhood is hard. So it’s something I already worry about when considering having another child.

    So, just because you either decided or accepted that you are happy with one child doesn’t mean you don’t get to wonder and feel a little sad about what life would be like with two. *hugs*

    You are allowed to feel two ways about something. Most of us do.

  7. jak #
    June 2, 2015

    my stock answer to avoid discussions of how difficult it was to get pregnant with my one was, “let’s just see how this one goes, he’s plenty to handle, hahaha!” and as a working mom, it shut people up.

    then i got pregnant naturally, totally unexpectedly, and i was so happy and shocked and with an obvious belly, that i couldn’t hide it. people knew i wanted another and was thrilled about it happening. then i lost the pregnancy around 4 months and i was devastated. still am. and now i can’t hide behind my, “let’s just see how this one goes” answer. everyone knows what i’m trying for and everyone knows that it’s not happening…… just trying to get back to the merits of ‘just one’ and really needed this post from you. hugs and thanks.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: