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Goodbye, boobs

09/17/2015

Belle

types of boobs

Last year I gave the massively padded bras of my past a giant F-YOU and tossed them down the trash compactor. It was a liberating moment – I don’t need no stinking fake boobies! I am woman, hear me and my flat chest ROAR!

Clearly I had forgotten what my natural boobs were like. Or maybe I assumed that after weaning I would be left with a respectable flap of skin that could at least be hoisted up into some form of cleavage. Or maybe I really was ready to embrace the no-boob look. What ever it was, 26 months into nursing and Sabine is very close to weaning (we are down to morning and night only!) and my milk is all but gone.

And with that milk, went the boobs. Or should I say boob. Lefty dried up months ago leaving nothing more than a pucker of breast and an exaggerated, almost cartoony nipple. Righty, on the other hand, is still able to put forth a few ounces of milk each day so she remains a respectable A cup. It’s ridiculous looking. So ridiculous that even the Professor laughed at them one night (to any men reading this – that is NOT the thing to do to your mentally unstable wife who is clinging to her last threads of sanity).

For the past 26 months I have lived in convenient nursing bras and comfy sports bras. My nursing boobs made me feel really sexy – they were a nice normal shape and a modest size. They fed my sweet little baby and did exactly what boobs were supposed to do. Dynamite comes in small packages, y’all! My post nursing boob and still-dying-up boob do not make me feel sexy. Between the uni-boob look and the lack of libido due to depression + Prozac, life is sad and sexless.

I joke that when I go in for the plastic surgery to repair my nose after the cancer is removed (which still has not happened – why not draw out the misery a little more and see just how close to the brink we can push Belle?) I’ll also have a boob job. My husband groans, rolls his eyes, and forbids it saying I’m perfect the way my uni-boob is… and that we are broke. In other words: Don’t go doing something stupid on a whim, Belle.

With a boob job off the table I’m turning to more economical, and less painful options – a properly fitting bra built for women who are small of breast, perhaps uneven of breast, and who want to look natural, not like they shoved pillows under their shirt. Great internet full of women who like to over share – what do you suggest? Anyone with me in the itty bitty, uneven titty committee? Any great bra innovations that you would like to see come around? Let us all join hands and celebrate that wonder that is the post-nursing bust line, and then hide it under some craftily created padding and lace!

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14 Comments

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  1. September 17, 2015

    I’m right there with you with my “have been”/”cucumber” sex boobs. Standing up and doing everyday stuff, they’re fine (not good, just acceptable) but when we’re fooling around, I can’t even catch a glimpse of them or I’ll turn angry and frustrated. I’ve told Brian a thousand times that I want a boob job to lift and shape them, but he doesn’t say much because I do the finances and he knows I’d never spend the money on them. He says he loves them. He’s clearly lying. 😉

    I can’t fill up my bra, but the cups are firm enough to provide the illusion of shape. One of mine is a lot smaller than the other one (can’t remember which) so one cup is close to having something to hold up, while the other is not. It’s very sad.

    • Jos #
      September 17, 2015

      I’ve totally told Charlie that I want a boob job to lift & shape & make mine even again. 3 of my post-IF blog friends have done so in the past year and a half with fantastic results. I’m seriously going to do it someday. It definitely affects my confidence and libido as-is.

      • September 17, 2015

        Yeah, confidence is a huge thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if I end up doing it some day, because I hate how they look when we’re messing around and I almost always comment on them. I think he’s getting sick of of my comments. He knows I won’t spend the money, so maybe some day I’ll get a gift card for it from him. Ha!!!!

  2. September 17, 2015

    Bless you and your boobies for what they’ve been through as of late! 🙂

    I don’t know if there are any locations near you, but I’ve heard nothing but amazing comments about a store called The Fitting Touch. It’s a bra shop that is known for very personal one-on-one service for every boob situation that walks in the door.

    Might be a good place to check out.

  3. September 17, 2015

    Calvin Klein are not the cheapest but fit my A and *just barely A* boobs nicely, and there are sexy yet comfortable styles too

  4. September 18, 2015

    So after careful analysis I have the hot water bottles

  5. jak #
    September 18, 2015

    am i looking for a new partner? no. if my current partner cannot respect and appreciate the changes to my body which were the result of our kid subsisting totally on milk from my body and not a drop of anything else for more than 6 months, do i really want this person for a partner anyway? no. is my value on the “open market” the way i should judge my self-worth? no.

    being a mom has made me recognize that my body is amazing and everything has a function. breasts aren’t just accessories to me anymore. and i could never imagine allowing someone to cut into them for anything other than to save my life in the event of medically necessary interventions for cancer, etc.

    • September 27, 2015

      Lol! Jak, I do admire your strength 🙂 While I totally love my body and know my husband does too, I would REALLY love to be able to fit into a fitted shirt and not need to have it altered!

  6. jesicabrennan #
    September 18, 2015

    I was slightly enraged at the end of nursing that my boobs were not only all the way down to an A but sadly deflated, I hadn’t been an A since middle school but at least then they were perky little A’s!!! I have no hope that they will be any bigger when I’m done nursing this one…so I guess I’m just going to stock up on teeny tiny little padded A cup bras. Boobs have never been my thing anyway, pregnancy has been the only time in my life I’ve got to sport some nice cleavage, so to have small boobs, eh…same old same old. Now my ass on the other hand, where did my ass go??? I’ve always had a cute ass and now it’s gone!!! Ugh, motherhood.

  7. Ellen #
    September 18, 2015

    I’ve been following you for a while but haven’t commented until now…I’m a fellow New Yorker/Infertility survivor (can one say that? after 6 miscarriages, I finally have a daughter and probably my only child — this is a story too long to share here)! In any case, loads of people pointed me toward the Town Shop (2270 Broadway, between 81st and 82nd Streets) post-pregnancy. I haven’t gotten there yet, but I’d love to go — they specialize in hard-to-find sizes and are supposed to be incredibly patient with fittings. Friends that have used them say they don’t immediately point you toward the most expensive bras in the shop either. I’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch right now. I hope you feel better soon.

    • September 27, 2015

      Hey fellow New York mama! Thanks for the info. I mentioned to my husband last night that I would like to get a REAL bra and he agreed. I’ll check this place out in a few weeks. 🙂

  8. September 21, 2015

    Tho I am not ‘itty bitty’ I have gone through the post nursing shrink up and sag stage. I felt like one of those National Geographic tribal women… So I DID get a boob job. I think I felt sexy with them, once. I loathed them and how I looked… 4 years later I had them removed (and lifted what was left). My chest, I joke, could have paid for a nice small car… Take the cheaper route and find a bra you love (Victorias Secret has some nice ones, and helpful ladies to fit you in the perfect one). As for romance, candles and wine cover a multitude of sins..

  9. September 21, 2015

    Hahahahaha! This post made me laugh so much! My boobs are also uneven after nursing, now more than ever! I seriously want a boob job someday but for now I’m living with it! I don’t have any advice except to remind you that we are real women with real bodies which we sacrificed for our babies.

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