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This is more important

11/23/2015

Belle

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There are 10 million things I should be doing today but instead I’m spending the day sitting in this chair with our sick cat in my lap. Little Euclid, who really is not little, has been diagnosed with renal failure. With diet and regular fluids/vitamin injections we can work to improve her remaining days and prolong her life, but ultimately this is the beginning of the end.

The entire thing is making me extremely sad and is a reminder of how we all age and we will all die. Our parents are aging, some more gracefully than others, and I’m aware that tough decisions and experiences are in their futures. Our cats are aging. We are aging. This is an odd stage of life to be in, watching one young person grow and thrive while others around us age and die and we sit sort of in between – not yet old, but certainly not young.

I’m quickly approaching “middle age” (or could have already passed depending on what my future holds) and my mind is a swirl of reflection.  Not necessarily a bad thing, I guess, as it is helping to put things into perspective. Have you ever known someone on their deathbed who says, “Gee, I wish I had worked more in my life?”

No. You probably have not. But you hear of people all the time who say they wish they had spent more time with their family. I am working daily to remember this, as I stress about where my career stands and where to go next.

Ultimately, I don’t think my career really matters at this stage in my life. What does matter is enjoying these days with my child, my husband, my old and ailing cats, my thoughts and self. This is my time to reflect on traumas past and finally heal. It is my time to set new habits in motion that will make me a better mother, wife and friend. It is my time to take care of my spirit and those beings I hold dear. There will be time to work again, but right now, this is more important. Right now, I am a mother.

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7 Comments

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  1. nonsequiturchica #
    November 23, 2015

    Oh no I’m so sorry to hear about Euclid. She is quite a beautiful cat.

  2. November 23, 2015

    Yep, yep, yep.

    So sorry about Euclid. You never know how much time you have left. Everyone kept telling me that lily could hang on a long time, and I didn’t believe them. But then she did… Twice! I am hoping this is not as much the end as it feels right now. She will surprise you. 😉

  3. November 23, 2015

    So sad to hear this. Hugs to you all.

  4. November 23, 2015

    I’m so sorry. We lost our little Zata right before Clara was born. It was awful and I randomly find myself missing her. I hope you make the last of Euclid’s time as best as it can be for her!

  5. sangela71 #
    November 23, 2015

    Sorry about Euclid. It’s so hard when our pets come to the end of their lives.

  6. November 29, 2015

    I’m sorry. That’s how we lost our Brucie.

  7. jak #
    November 30, 2015

    this is so hard. we lost our 13 yo swissie mix to kidney failure also. i sat shiva for a month for that dog, but it really took that long to grieve.

    i hope you have more time with euclid, being a cat, and that you have the compassion that i am sure you do (you are a complex, understanding, and beautiful soul after all!) to know when it is time for euclid to pass peacefully.

    my heart goes out to you guys.

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