There are 10 million things I should be doing today but instead I’m spending the day sitting in this chair with our sick cat in my lap. Little Euclid, who really is not little, has been diagnosed with renal failure. With diet and regular fluids/vitamin injections we can work to improve her remaining days and prolong her life, but ultimately this is the beginning of the end.
The entire thing is making me extremely sad and is a reminder of how we all age and we will all die. Our parents are aging, some more gracefully than others, and I’m aware that tough decisions and experiences are in their futures. Our cats are aging. We are aging. This is an odd stage of life to be in, watching one young person grow and thrive while others around us age and die and we sit sort of in between – not yet old, but certainly not young.
I’m quickly approaching “middle age” (or could have already passed depending on what my future holds) and my mind is a swirl of reflection. Not necessarily a bad thing, I guess, as it is helping to put things into perspective. Have you ever known someone on their deathbed who says, “Gee, I wish I had worked more in my life?”
No. You probably have not. But you hear of people all the time who say they wish they had spent more time with their family. I am working daily to remember this, as I stress about where my career stands and where to go next.
Ultimately, I don’t think my career really matters at this stage in my life. What does matter is enjoying these days with my child, my husband, my old and ailing cats, my thoughts and self. This is my time to reflect on traumas past and finally heal. It is my time to set new habits in motion that will make me a better mother, wife and friend. It is my time to take care of my spirit and those beings I hold dear. There will be time to work again, but right now, this is more important. Right now, I am a mother.