Posts from the ‘Musings’ Category
Google “only child” and you get more than 31 million hits.
This strikes me as completely ridiculous. Why is our society so obsessed with only children and the good or bad aspects of being one?
I am often asked if Sabine is an only child and up until recently I would always give my very canned response with downcast eyes.
“Yes. She is, and will continue to be, an only child. It took years and a lot of medical intervention for us to have Sabine. She is very special.”
While this response was not bad in the sense that it brought to light our struggle with infertility, it was not particularly good. You see, I don’t like the negative edge that “only child” has. The word only implies “not enough” and that is not fair when it comes to a human being. We are all enough. We are all amazing creatures with cool thoughts and awesome abilities. Why on earth would we refer to ourselves as an “only.” We might be one, but we are far from only.
It is with this in mind that I have changed my canned response. When someone asks me if Sabine is an only child I now respond with, “Sabine is our one amazing child. It took a long time and a lot of medical intervention to have her. She is very special.”
I want to change the way we speak about families with one child. One is awesome. One is perfect. One is exactly what we all longed for when we were neck deep in injections, transvaginal ultrasounds, pregnancy tests and tears. One is amazing.
I had a comment on my last post, maybe several comments actually, that alluded to hoping my husband was doing “his share” and it made me wonder… what exactly is his share? And how does this compare to other households. And, most importantly, when was the last time I really thought about what he DID in the home. And so I give you a bulleted list, to help me keep things in perspective.
- Earns enough money so that I can stay home with my baby and go to school (HUGE)
- Takes out the recycling (a recent win on my behalf)
- Takes out the trash when I ask
- Puts the toilet seat down (a small thing that means so much when your ass hits cold toilet water at 2 a.m.)
- Will, with minimal grumbling, roast a whole chicken when I ask (because touching whole dead birds is like WAY more than I can handle… even with gloves)
- Hangs all the “decorations” and “art” that I request be hung
- Fixes the toilet, the sink and the tub when I drop something stupid down them
- Bathes Sabine in the Whale Tub when I’m too tired to do it
- Plays with Sabine so I can study about once a week
- Has agreed to start putting his dirty laundry IN the hamper vs on the floor (another big win)
- Wakes up at ridiculously early hours to feed the cats when they start making noise and risk waking the baby
- Cleans up cat vomit (something I really can’t stomach, especially when it is still warm)
I know there are more little things that he does but that is all I can come up with during my few minutes of blogging time.
The point of this list is not to dwell on the things he does not do (like put his dishes in the dishwasher and return the toaster to it’s right position after he uses it – OMG put the freaking toaster back already!) but to point out all he does.
That first bullet, that one is the one I need to keep front and center in my mind. I get to stay home with my child while he goes to work each day. Hard as raising a child might be, it is an amazing, fun, and for me, once in a lifetime experience that I am incredibly thankful for. Even if the heavens align and we end up with another kid, that kid will not be Sabine. Sabine is an incredibly special girl. Everyone who meets her tells me this and I thank whoever is up there watching over us for choosing US to be her parents.
So the Professor might not do a lot when it comes to domestic chores. He might not scoop the litter boxes, or play with the cats, or vacuum the rug, or make the bed crisp and tight like I like it. He might infuriate me at times when he takes WEEKS to complete one task. He might drive me crazy at night when he flops like a 6 foot 4 inch fish out of water in our squeaky queen sized bed. But he brings home the paycheck and settles to live with MUCH less so I can stay home and raise our daughter. And for that, I am thankful (and can overlook the blueberry crud that is left on the freezer door handle every morning from him scooping berries into his smoothie and not wiping his hand afterwards.) 🙂
How does your husband/significant other contribute? What are you most thankful for, and what drives you a little insane?
I walked into the elevator this morning and our building’s porter was cleaning the wood paneling with Pledge furniture polish. I smiled at him and said that the smell of Pledge always makes me think of my mother’s house as a kid. We had weekly chores, one of which was dusting our furniture with Pledge. “The smell makes me homesick now,” I said.
“But now you are a Mom and you get to make those memories for your child,” he said.
I had never thought of this. I don’t know why, either. Smells have always been very powerful memory triggers for me, why would they not be for Sabine? What smells will she associate with home one day when she is far away from me and starting a life of her own? What smells do my friends associate with me?
Vinegar. I clean everything with various mixtures of vinegar, essential oils, baking soda and Bon Ami. Lavender essential oil. Cedar “flushable” cat litter. The smell of coffee in the morning. Perhaps my hot stinky coffee breath?
What scents do you think your children, friends and family will remember you for?