Posts tagged ‘follicles’
12 days past ovulation
I caved. I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning before anyone else, opened the pee stick in the basement so no one would hear, crept into the guest bathroom and peed. It was negative.
Five mature follicles, two IUIs, two trips to the hospital. A pile of new medical bils my insurance won’t cover. And no baby.
Top it off: The FIRST words after my MIL walked in last night were “So your pregnant, right?”
Not only did I fail myself and my husband. I have failed her. I’m taking a blogging break for a few days. I’m going to need every ounce of strength to deal with her.
It is hard to believe I am in the TWW. This is the FIRST cycle that we have made it this far since we started this journey in January.
On Wednesday after dinner I gave myself the Ovidrel injection to trigger my super swollen ovaries to ovulate. Thursday afternoon Mr. Husband went to the clinic to, ahem, make a deposit. At 2:30 I arrived and was whisked back to be inseminated. Dr. Hope was super gentle and I didn’t even feel the tube in my uterus. Mr. Husband squeezed my hand and looked into my eyes.
“Isn’t this romantic?” I asked. Mr. Husband and Dr. Hope cracked up. It’s always good to maintain a sense of humor during procedures like these! I rested for a little while and then we came home to rest some more.
Friday morning we repeated the procedure except this time my IUI was at 10:30 a.m. After this Dr. Hope hooked me up with two weeks of Crinone samples (huge help as that stuff is expensive) and then sent to acupuncture for a little relaxation session. Kathleen, my acupuncturist helped my uterus and mind relax so I could focus all my energy on providing a warm, snuggly, happy womb for our baby.
Since then I have been taking-it-easy. I have done some sewing, cooked a yummy breakfast and taken several walks. I intend to spend the rest of my weekend doing much of the same as my body recovers from these fiercely swollen ovaries. On August 19 I go back to Dr. Hope’s clinic to have a blood test done and find out if we were successful. Two weeks have never seemed so far away! Perhaps I need a paper chain to count down the days? 🙂
The optimism I felt yesterday has been replaced with massive worry. I’m getting the same anxiety jitters I used to get before a big test in college. You know, the kind of nervous jitters that send your digestive track into high-gear and leave you racing for the bathroom. Yeah, those jitters.
Today I see Dr. Hope for a follicle check and I’m chock-full of performance anxiety. I’m worried my ovaries are not going to be performing well enough. I’m worried something else is going terribly wrong. I’m worried that the cycle will be canceled. I’m worried that I will disappoint everyone. I’m worried that it will forever be just me, Mr. Husband and our mess of cats.
I am a champion worrier. If only I could bottle this worry and market it…
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My body has never been much of an overachiever and tends to collapse under pressure. I’m so worried it is going to do this again today. See, there we go, more worry. Sigh. Aside from worry, here is a list of what else my body is feeling today:
- Miserably bloated. My pants are tight.
- Uncomfortable. Every time I move around I feel like I have a runner’s cramp in my abdomen except I’m not allowed to run right now. It is weird and I don’t like it.
- Gurgling. For some reason, likely the worry, my stomach is a volcano of noise and gurgles.
- Tired. I did not sleep well last night because of the bloating and runner’s cramp.
- Restless. I miss working out. Not being able to exercise while on these injections only adds fuel to the worry.
- Hopeful. Even under all this worry there is still an eek of hope. Maybe… Maybe the follicles are perfect…. Then 1 through 5 come through and dash out the hope.
I have 45 minutes left until I leave for my appointment. I think I will pass the time by cleaning off my desk and preparing for tomorrow, which is going to be better. It can get better.