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Posts tagged ‘Hope’

Going home

07/05/2012

Belle

I miss these ladies so much. (Taken during our Vegas trip in March.)

Our trip to Birmingham was just wonderful – we saw many old friends; ate lots of good food & blew my diet; shopped; saw the Warhol & Cars exhibit at the Birmingham Museum of Art; drank amazing coffee at Urban Standard; visited the recently opened Avondale Brewery and got a sneak taste of a new and extremely delicious brew; took two hikes; threw a surprise party; I sat for a quick boudoir shoot; drank too much cheap white wine; hugged babies; and, finally, visited the spot of one of our very first dates.

Mr. Husband and I feel so at-home in Birmingham. I miss the city’s vibe, the good food, the long hot summers, and, most importantly, all the good people we left behind. I talk a lot about wanting to go back to Alabama and Mr. Husband constantly points out that the only city he could really work in is Huntsville – my boring hometown. Some days moving to Huntsville seems like an ok idea and other days it seems like the last place on earth I would want to live.

This weekend, while surrounded by wonderful people, Mr. Husband said he would like to move to Birmingham and commute to Huntsville to work. My heart sang. The commute is long, but honestly, not all that worse than my 45 minute commute down Hwy. 280 when I lived there. There is also a good chance he could arrange to work remotely two days a week, too. During our sad drive home last night he was intently surfing on his iPhone. “What are you reading about?” I asked, fully expecting him to launch into some mind-numbing discussion about math.

“Homes in Birmingham,” he said. My eyes started to burn.

“You mean you are seriously considering doing this? You would really commute to Huntsville and take an industry job so we can go back?”

“Yes. I miss our friends. I miss the city.”

We then discussed what I could do in Birmingham to A. be happy and B. contribute financially. I know I want to help women, specifically women dealing with infertility. Initially I had hoped to go to acupuncture school, but am starting to think that dropping 50k on a degree alone is not the best idea, especially when you have already blown 16k on failed infertility treatment!

I proposed to Mr. Husband that I could start a personal training business working with pre and post-natal women and women struggling with infertility, specifically those women with PCOS and facing a challenging weight loss battle. For me, exercise is one of the few ways I can manage the mental anguish that accompanies infertility. I feel strong and in control of my body when I’m essentially powerless over my reproductive system and hormones. I want to help other women feel this way. And then I want to help them stay fit during pregnancy and later “take back their pants” post-delivery.

We talked about the cost of getting certified to do this and the cost of starting a business in Birmingham. By the end of the discussion Mr. Husband was fully behind me, saying he believes I would be happy in this line of work and that I would finally have found a job that “keeps me moving and feeling productive.”

I have no idea if this pipe dream will actually work out, but it gives me a sense of hope for the first time in a long, long while. Living child-free is a lot less daunting when you are doing meaningful work while surrounded by people you love and who love you back. I don’t want to lose sight of this hope and this potential so today I put on my big girl pants and emailed a school in Richmond about their degree offerings. I also put together a task list to help Mr. Husband prepare for and launch an Alabama job hunt. I’m so ready for this I can taste it.

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The Ovarian Report

02/03/2012

Belle

Doing a little egg dance!

Sorry for the complete lack of posts this week. I have been driving all over the state conducting interviews and shooting photos. Next week will be even more insane. I expect to cover about 2,000 miles total. The only good thing about this is the FAT mileage check at the end of it!

And now for the Ovarian Report!

As of this morning, after 4 days of stims, I had 20 follicles visible on ultrasound all measuring right on target at around 10 to 12.

20!

The doctor was really pleased with how the ultrasound looked, and said we’ll know a lot more this afternoon after my blood work comes back. I add in Ganirelix tomorrow to keep ovulation from happening and then go back on Monday for another scan.

Y’all, this is the first time in a long while that I have felt a glimmer of hope. I know there is still a LONG way to go, but seeing those follicles reassured me that we are FINALLY heading in the right direction. I’ll spend my weekend resting, sewing, and doing egg dances to encourage these follies to keep going. Now, sadly, I have to go back to work. I will catch up on y’alls blogs this weekend and post more soon!

 

Old Souls

11/17/2011

Belle

Chicago several years ago.

 

I booked my flight to New York 12 hours before I left, so my seat choices were pretty limited and I ended up squashed in the last row, right next to the John.

“Awe, I hate it when I get stuck next to the lavatory,” I said to the middle-aged, white-haired man seated to my left. “Let’s hope no one has to take their morning constitutional during the duration of this flight.”

The guy started laughing and introduced himself as D. A Kentucky native, D lives a few cities away from me in a small area that he is fiercely proud of. He works for a local company and shares my dismay at how corporate America is changing. Instead of valuing employees, companies view us as a disposable commodity. Much like plastic cutlery – we can work for many years if cared for, but why bother when a new set will only cost you a few cents.

D told me that he spent his entire life never taking risks. He lived carefully, did the right thing, always made sure he was secure. He missed a lot of opportunity and what did he have to show for it today? A lukewarm job where he was grossly unfulfilled and undervalued.

Rather than wallow in these thoughts, D did what so many Americans are too fearful to try. He took a risk. Next month D will be opening a gym where he will teach Zumba and aerobics classes and share his love for fitness and wellness with the community. He dreams of this business flourishing so he can one day escape the monotony of his day job.

I listened to his story in awe. How is it that fate plops people like D right next to me at just the right time. I work for a non-profit company that assists small businesses throughout the state. D and I discussed his business plan and I offered my company’s assistance and he graciously accepted. I felt fulfilled for the first time in ages.

Our conversation turned to my history: a former journalist and editor turned marketing slave. I left an industry I loved to pursue a family and a slower kind of happiness. I’m still searching for it. D told me about his daughter who is an accomplished scientist, married to a doctor, who desired the same thing. She also dealt with infertility and with the help of IVF is now the mother to twins. Again, I marveled at fate.

Everything about this 120 minute flight was perfect, inspirational and just what I needed.

I returned from New York this week and followed up with an email to D, telling him I had passed his contact information on to the bus.iness dev.elopmen.t cen.ter in his area. This morning I received a message thanking me and saying, “I really enjoyed talking to you, Belle. Sometimes when you meet someone it’s like you’re “old souls” who have passed by one another before.”

I could not have said it more perfectly. D reminded rekindled my career dreams. He showed me that miracles do happen and that babies can come from challenging wombs. He assured me that I am not alone in my feelings towards corporate America. He reminded me that it is ok to take a risk.

Now, if only I knew what that risk was. 

Today is CD 39. This mornings’ HPT was negative. Four more days of hope. Four more days till Pinot Noir.