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Posts tagged ‘performance anxiety’

CD8: Performance anxiety



The optimism I felt yesterday has been replaced with massive worry. I’m getting the same anxiety jitters I used to get before a big test in college. You know, the kind of nervous jitters that send your digestive track into high-gear and leave you racing for the bathroom. Yeah, those jitters.

Today I see Dr. Hope for a follicle check and I’m chock-full of performance anxiety. I’m worried my ovaries are not going to be performing well enough. I’m worried something else is going terribly wrong. I’m worried that the cycle will be canceled. I’m worried that I will disappoint everyone.  I’m worried that it will forever be just me, Mr. Husband and our mess of cats.

I am a champion worrier. If only I could bottle this worry and market it…

Why worry when you don’t have to? For just $49.95 an hour Belle will worry for you so you can get back to enjoying your life worry-free! Buy It Now and we’ll sweeten the deal with a bottle of “Nervous Shit-be-Gone” to help you eliminate those worry-induced trips to the bathroom!

My body has never been much of an overachiever and tends to collapse under pressure. I’m so worried it is going to do this again today. See, there we go, more worry. Sigh. Aside from worry, here is a list of what else my body is feeling today:

  1. Miserably bloated. My pants are tight.
  2. Uncomfortable. Every time I move around I feel like I have a runner’s cramp in my abdomen except I’m not allowed to run right now. It is weird and I don’t like it.
  3. Gurgling. For some reason, likely the worry, my stomach is a volcano of noise and gurgles.
  4. Tired. I did not sleep well last night because of the bloating and runner’s cramp.
  5. Restless. I miss working out. Not being able to exercise while on these injections only adds fuel to the worry.
  6. Hopeful. Even under all this worry there is still an eek of hope. Maybe… Maybe the follicles are perfect…. Then 1 through 5 come through and dash out the hope.

I have 45 minutes left until I leave for my appointment. I think I will pass the time by cleaning off my desk and preparing for tomorrow, which is going to be better. It can get better.